Edited this out. Not because I think it makes me "look like a monster" or whatever Laura said, but because I'm talking to someone and he's I think trying to make peace (not that it'll work, but I respect him a lot for trying), so I don't wanna make things more awkward for him.

Hey, anyone who plays PC games, check out my new site: http://www.getphpbb.com/phpbb/index.php?c=1&mforum=legcentral

It rocks. Or would if people would give it a chance. As I wrote in LJ this morning:

Well, I'm feeling discouraged about my gaming group. I was really excited yesterday morning, like 6 people signed up all at once, including Hama (yay!), and I assumed that would just be the start, since I'd barely even started advertising yet, and there were like no posts on the forum and already people were flocking to it.

And that was all I got.

I posted notices in frequented gaming forums for both JK and GBG all over the place. I PMed people on the JC. I posted a link in my sig, and I even hawked the forum in the social thread.

And the ONLY person who signed up since I did all this was Daniel, who only signed up because I made him do it since I owned his ass at GBG.

How can *less* people join, the more you advertise and the more posts you get on a forum? I mean, thanks to the help of James, Flarestorm, and saberhagen, we had some pretty good discussions going, anyone who was interested could jump right in.

So what am I doing wrong???


I guess to add to my discouragement I ended up contacting someone in Games who I used to consider a friend and a great guy, to ask if he was interested, and if not, if he could point me towards gamers who would be. And he read my PM, didn't even bother to reply (but then, NO ONE did...what's what about, too? The least you can do is say "thanks anyway but I'm not interested" for crying out loud!!! What is it with people these days??), then I IMed him on AIM and he was all cold and like "I don't game anymore, I have a REAL life" and basically acted like a total jerk to me.

Which I totally hate when people who used to be great people turn into cold, cynical, superior bastards. It happens in the TFN Games forum A LOT. It always has. I am about the only person who has never gotten like that, even after years of going there on and off. And the pattern remains the same and has for almost 5 years: New people are at first nice and friendly and fun to be with, then as time passes, they become cold and malicious and cynical and mean spirited and eventually drive me away, so I leave and come back 6 months a year later, all new people are there, friendly, fun loving gamers, rinse, repeat.

So yeah I'm probably done with TFN games for good. Whats the point of getting to know people there if they're only gnna turn into assholes 6 months or a year later? Even meeting them in real life didn't change their eventual opinion that I'm a total loser.

If the rest of the world acted that way towards me I would think I was a loser. Hell, for a while, years ago, I did think it was *me*, not them. But the fact that everyone else, on the JC or off, doesn't get all bipolar and go from sweet to backstabbers, would indicate it's a problem with Games itself.

So yeah, I'm feeling bummed out. This gaming thing meant a lot to me. And when people I thought I was on good terms with wouldn't even give me the benefit of a reply to a PM asking them to help me out, yeah, I'm gonna be bummed.

I just realized my last entry was a downer so I better write another one.

But thanks for acknowledging the fact I was crying when I wrote it peeps, ho yeah.

It's all good, though, I got my amigos who are always there to listen, and wanna know what's going on, even sometimes when I don't reaaaally wanna tell them. :P

But I do kinda regret I don't talk to all you on here more. I mean, the people on LJ I talk to on IM all the time and through LJ, we always like post back and forth and stuff, and then I write on here and for the most part whatever I say goes unmarked. I don't know if people read and just don't like replying, or don't read or what. I read everyone's Xangas too, btw, except Nina I can't find a way to subscribe to yours cause you hid it or something.

Annnyways, had fun with that member, but come ON people who didn't reciprocate, get a move on! Yeah, you. You know who you are. I better see it in your journal asap. :P

I am going stir crazy. I really, really am. Things are kinda tense here these days, and I didn't realize how tense till I realized how much I am dreading trying to plan out the goals I have in mind for this fall. Because normally, my family is cool with whatever, if I wanna have friends here, no problem, if I wanna go away, no problem. But I am worried. And besides a date, I haven't done anything social since my cousin's. And besides hanging out with 7 year olds and 40 year olds, I didn't do anything social there, either!!

And the date was amazing. I thought I was past all this but I'm not. You'd hardly even recognize me now.

Well, okay, you would, because externally I'm totally the same, and I'm not gonna change, but internally there's like this constant happy-dance going on.

I just wish I knew if he felt the same.

I don't even know why I'm writing this entry. I mean, I didn't want to leave that glaring downer up there as my top post because it just didn't seem right, but at the same time, I dunno, no one bothered with that, no one particularly seems to want to hear from me anyway. :P

Leave your name and I'll
1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I'll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal. You MUST. It is written

That looked fun.

Anyways, stuff is crazy with me. I'm having a really really hard week, honestly, so yall from YM and such pray for me I guess. There's so much going on, I don't really wanna write it all, I dunno. Sorry if I'm soudning really off, but I just can't handle it anymore. By it I mean just about anything and everything.

By the way I've discovered like some gamers have LJs so if you're a gamer and I just added you, welcome.

Sorry again that I am like this. I don't want to be. I wish these things in my life would resolve themselves, I am going nuts, I really truly think I am and I hate it. I hate that I am letting myself get like this. I know better than this, I do. But I just...don't care. The end.

Okay, I'll bite on this one, cause I would love to hear what people say...

If you read this,
Even if we don't speak often,
comment with one memory of me.
It can be anything you want, good or bad.
Just as long as it happened..
Then post this on your xanga,

See what other people remember about you....